Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Undo Me

Trying to "undo me" is a difficult task. Realizing that I am my worst critic, I've pledged to stop beating myself up over myself. I always think I'll never be the best at something - that I don't have enough of what it takes. Or that my future is a black hole of nothingness that I have found myself falling into for twenty-nine years.

This realization - though it's not something new that has popped into my brain - but the commitment to changing it is new - was brought about when I was enjoying a meal at Daphne's reading Eat, Pray, Love. There were a lot of things the main character was realizing about herself, especially in India, which is the part I was reading at that moment. It was then I understood that in order to have peace - in order to stop worrying about the stupid stuff - I will have to make a conscientious effort to "undo me".

I think to step out of one's self is something everyone should do more than once in their lifetime. Maybe even twice, three times, okay eight. See your soul - not your shell. See the beauty of one's heart. Not the twisted labels that society, family, friends or the world put on us but t
he essence of who we are and the love that breathes inside our souls. It might not be about you not being perfect but that the world is an imperfect place. Maybe its not about trying to put the square peg in the round circle but trying to put a round circle around the square peg and recognizing this impossibility. I don't know if this makes any sense, I could be rambling but I hope you get my geometry.

All I know is that I am loved, I feel love and am very much in love.

In this life, in my life - why worry about more?