Thursday, March 29, 2012

If I Win The Mega Millions Jackpot...


According to The Secret, I should rephrase my title to "When I become a millionaire" but I'll stick with If for now because it may not be this particular jackpot that I win but one in the near future. Very near future, I hope...Okay like next week!

Really, though, if I win the Mega Millions this is what I will do with the winnings. This is after of course, I change one million into quarters, fill a swimming pool with them and swim in it like Uncle Scrooge McDuck.




1.Give money to my family and dearest friends. That's kind of a no-brainer.
2. Explore more of the world with Brian. Is Antarctica sunny this time of year?
3. Once I come back from traveling and am ready to resume my day-to-day life, investing money is a must.
4. Along with investing, I'd put money aside for my future kids college tuition, retirement and that rainy day fund, every financial adviser talks about. 
5. I would buy a house but it cannot be too big because too many rooms and bathrooms scare me. It has to be practical not ridiculous. Yes, a recording studio is mandatory.
4. Start a business and a record company.
5. Go to grad school for Creative Writing. Get a teaching credential. Pay off my student loans.
6. Open a coffee shop where people can host open mics and have a kid's day where they can experience performing in front of a group for the first time. I would also donate money for music programs in various schools because I was so fortunate to take part in them when I was in junior high and high school.
7. Donate and get involved in so many charities around the world. For me, it's about helping people for the rest of my life in any way shape, way or form.

So there it is, nothing too extravagant but there are a few splurges here and there. The crazy thing I realized is that a lot of things on this list are things I can do without winning a huge jackpot. The jackpot would just speed things up and ensure the financial security of all my family and future great-grandkids!




What would you do with $540 Million? 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Brightening Our World


Genes

Green Gold
 Thoughts

This week has been brightening. My mother-in-law is visiting us and we have been spoiled with such great company and food. Her banana cream pie which is Brian's favorite desert is so delicious. It's nice for all of us to spend quality time together and it's nice to see a mama bird with her baby bird:) I love when time stops and all you can do is enjoy now - the hugs, the smiles, the laughter, the quiet time, the love...your life.

**On a solemn note: please sign this petition for justice for the family of Trayvon Martin. Click HERE

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Standing Outside

I met this guitar player who had a collection of songs he would always play. There was one in particular that was in 3/4 that I loved to hear. It made me feel so many different emotions--sadness, love, fear, promise, hope--so when I offered to write lyrics to the song, he agreed. I went home to my apartment and started brainstorming different melodies and subject matter.

My grandfather had just passed away and my mom and I had just come home back from the funeral in St. Louis. It was a weird time because we drove across country to get there. Passing through different cities, watching the sun rise and set, seeing the beautiful landscapes was an overwhelming feeling but the reality of why we were seeing these things made it feel otherworldly. I was sad that my grandfather passed away but I was also sad at the idea that my mother had lost her father.

After I spoke to my dad who urged me to go, I felt that my purpose on this trip was to be a blanket for my mother. I wanted to be there to listen, to hug her, and to hold her hand through this moment. Even though she is my mother, during this time, I saw her as a daughter and I tried to put myself in her shoes to help absorb the pain. Sometimes, we are together but we are together on the outside. We are outsiders. This is how she's always felt her entirely life and I have somewhat felt this way too.

That was how this song came to life and the lyrics swam into my brain. It is written from my mother's point of view. I don't know exactly why it came out this way but I do know that when inspiration hits--no matter if it's a sad moment or a happy moment--you go with it.

The guitar player ended up liking the lyrics and the melody I came up with and we recorded the first version in the closet of his apartment. It was amazing to hear our musical talents collide for the first time. It will be interesting to see how our musical talents collide in our children. (Wink! Wink!)

Here is the first collaboration between Brian and I. Enjoy <3

 Standing Outside

Standing Outside

Standing out here
Wondering if you can still hear me
The rain has no fear
Drops have collected and become my tears
Standing outside
I always wonder where do I belong
Always outside
Cannot follow don't know where you have gone

Look at me I am breaking
I don't know what I'm doing
'Cause I've never lost anything that
Made me feel like I have nothing
Look at me I am only slowly fading
So how can I know where I'm supposed
To be when you're not here with me
So afraid to stay in here
Always...I'm...

Standing removed
Trying to prove I can move mountains through
This little frame
The perfect rendition of my memory of you
Standing outside
I always wonder where do I belong
Always outside
Can I be right if I am always wrong?

Look at me I am breaking
I don't know what I'm doing
'Cause I've never lost anything that
Made me feel like I have nothing
Look at me I am only slowly fading
So how can I know where I'm supposed
To be when you're not here with me
So afraid to stay in here
Always...I'm...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Delicates and Knits

I'm watching the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and eating breakfast for dinner. I didn't feel like making dinner so I whipped up a protein shake with a banana and a piece of toast. Yummy!

Tonight I'll be going for my weekly therapy session. It's my sixth session and for the past couple of weeks, I've been debating on whether or not to share that information on this blog. The reason being is that there is a certain stigma that makes it seem like therapy means a person is unstable or cannot handle problems on their own. Another assumption is that it takes a traumatic event to occur for someone to immediately see a counselor.

While they both can be true, I believe that sometimes there is no one reason why someone seeks a therapist. but rather a culmination of ideas, events, situations, thoughts, feelings that are like a gigantic mound of laundry that needs to be sorted. I can no longer mix my delicates with my everyday clothes so I'm taking some time to find a place for them with a little help.

To be present, I must engage my past.